A Life Lived in Fear is A Life Half Lived

Just when I think I can plan for every scenario, one comes up that I wasn’t expecting. This probably happens to remind me that I can’t plan for everything.

You’re probably wondering if I took the trip. The answer is yes and no.

Aaron and I got up early; we had packed the night before to make sure we wouldn’t run behind. We had two bags, carry on only to go faster, and less chance of something getting lost. I had looked up the airline rules, read the visitor’s guide to DC, picked a place to eat dinner. I was as ready as I could be.

We parked in the long term parking and walked up to the airport. I haven’t flown for a long time but I knew there were self check-ins, and when we found the one for American I stood holding the paper and staring at the scanner. I was scared as hell.

I didn’t want to check in unless I was committed completely to the trip. I didn’t want to regret it in Dallas and try to find a way back down, although I knew that was still an option. But I realized, with Aaron standing next to me, that I was prepared for anything. I had him. I had everything I thought I could possibly need (Band-aids? Check.), and I committed in my mind to do the trip.

I walked up to check-in and the computer beeps at me. Sorry, it said, your flight has been booked. Would you like to check in for the next one? Totally confused, I stood in line for the counter.

I explained to the woman what flight we were on and she said matter of factly that the flight had already been filled. We should have checked in an hour before, because they had already filled the plane. Filled the plane means they sold our seats.

Shocked, as this was not an expectation, I repeated that we had bought tickets. I waved my printouts at her. She shook her head and with no emotion said that the plane was full but we could take a later flight on standby. One that would make me miss the conference. Since I hadn’t planned for this, I told her we’d come back up to the counter.

After talking it through with Aaron, I decided to not waste the airfare for one night in another city. The change of plans shocked me; I just didn’t know what to do, and I was embarrassed by this huge mistake. I sat in the airport another ten minutes to make sure that’s what we wanted, and we left.

I ended up not knowing how to feel. I had committed to go on this trip – didn’t the world understand that? But it ended up that I’m just not that important. And that’s a good thing. I’m not so important that I had to take this trip – no one would care if I didn’t make it. And I wasn’t so important that they kept my seat on the plane. And what a relief that is – I still had the freedom to do what I wanted.

I feel more determined to take a trip now, where the airline doesn’t sell away my seat!