A Life Lived in Fear is A Life Half Lived

My family started going to the Texas Renaissance Festival since we were little kids. We used to go every year, and as we got older the visits grew less frequent, but I’ve still been many times.

My friends Zach and Amber go multiple times every year so we decided to meet up at the Fest and hang out. I went early to catch the parade, which I never seem to make on time. I knew the turn was tricky and missed it, but fell in love with Siri when she helped me take some ranch roads back to the highway.

It was no surprise to see some of the same stores, shows, and people that have been going as long as I have, which is over 20 years. It’s nice that some things hadn’t changed except that we’re all getting old. This was my first time to have alone time and I enjoyed going at my own pace.

I got my fish and chips, with some ale, and sat down to wait for the parade. There was no way I was going to shell out any cash for a schedule program, especially after the ATM fee raped me, and I assumed they wouldn’t have changed it since it’s always been at noon. My guess was right and I got most of my pictures from the parade.

I ran into this guy, which ended up being my favorite costume I saw all day. Right after I took this picture, a little girl ran up and squeezed him like he was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. I was impressed because at six year olds, he would have terrified me.

Lots of stages have been added, and places that were empty are now packed with shops and vendors. It’s hard to tell who’s working a shop and who’s just hanging out because they look good. There’s a wedding chapel, and I caught the procession.

The jousting arena has changed a lot over the years, and I only stayed a little while to watch. Zach and Amber arrived about this time so I went back to the entrance to meet them.

The Fest gets more and more packed each year – I read that by the afternoon, there were over 30,000 people in attendance. I managed to buy a bracer, a fox tail (what?), and a hairband for my niece by the end of the day. I had a great time with Zach and Amber and I can see why they go often and camp. I’ll consider camping next year since I really hate it, but it would be fun with them. They know how to ren-party.

I got lost again on the way back but I figured it out. I think I owe Siri a present from bartering with her to get me back to the highway.

When I was a little girl, my sister and I would spend each summer at my grandmother’s house. At first the thought of spending two weeks without the comforts of home, especially the Nintendo, seemed like an impossibility. But after two weeks with her, we didn’t want to go home.

Part of the summer routine at my grandmother’s was reading. At first I’d tear through all the books I’d brought with me, and then I’d start digging through her bookshelves for anything to read. I discovered Narnia, Sherlock Holmes, and Nancy Drew as my remedy to boredom.

Nancy Drew found a place in my heart from reading those books. My grandmother had row after row of the small bound books in the closet, and I read through all of them. I imagined myself alongside Nancy, scouring a room for clues and getting the bad guy in the end.

Many years later, I was working at Girlstart. I had created a website for girls and wrote video games reviews to encourage girls to start playing. I received a review copy of a Nancy Drew game from Her Interactive, and I was a little hesitant that a game could capture the same sense of wonder I felt at my grandmother’s.

I took the game home to play over the weekend, and much to my husband’s chagrin I played it non stop. I was engrossed in the mystery and kept scribbling in my notebook to solve the puzzles. I was hooked.

I enjoyed playing the games as the years went by as review copies and later started buying them on my own. They became mini-breaks from life for me – a game to play that wasn’t stressful but was rewarding. I learned about barrel racing horses and how to navigate the Paris subway. I often involved my husband because I would get stuck in a puzzle and after a while I would ask him to help me with it. We’d play through it with him always solving it first, and I liked that it was something we could do together.

When I began having problems in my marriage, I bought a two-pack of the Nancy Drew game to keep my mind occupied. I became stuck on a puzzle and I asked him for help. Disinterested, he told me to solve it on my own. After trying over and over, I eventually did, but I was sad I couldn’t share the victory with him.

When my marriage ended, I started noting the small accomplishments of things I was now doing on my own. I had felt before that I needed him to solve those puzzles, but after working at it I found I could do it without him.

I may not face the same situations as Nancy Drew, but I find that I can solve some mysteries as well as she did. Plus, I do have several Georges and Besses in my life that I can call on when I get stuck and need a clue. Now if only I can find a Ned.

I remember when Easter weekend was a very quiet time spent at home, but it seems that Austin had other ideas for Saturday. And they worked out quite nice for me.

I love Saturdays because they start with boxing, so anything past that is very fun. This past Saturday was the Austin Women’s Clothing Swap, which I’ve been waiting for since last year’s event. It is incredibly well organized and is a HUGE swap.

The event was moved to a larger location this year and was chaotic! However, I’m getting good at swaps so I finished up with only one thing that didn’t fit and isn’t worth the effort for altering it, so off to Goodwill it goes. But I got a couple pairs of jeans which made the entire effort worth it. Very excited. The ones I turned into cut-off shorts are Z Cavaricci, which I was never cool enough to have as a kid.

I stopped by Cherrywood Coffeehouse to see my friend’s band, Best Best Best Friends, later in the afternoon. I’m glad my house is far away from there because I would live at that coffeehouse. They were hosting a crawfish boil, which is one of my favorite noms in the world. Best Best Best Friends is a great Dixieland band (that’s how I describe them, anyway) and a fantastic show.

When I walked into the Coffeehouse I saw a sign on the door for a Doctor Who premiere showing – what the what? I hadn’t heard anything about it and I wasn’t looking forward to watching it alone. Providence! I had my evening set. (Hey, you know I had to work the Who in here somewhere, it’s been a common theme lately.)

After the guys played, I went inside to watch the premiere. The room was as quiet as a church with about 15 people watching. We take our Who very seriously. I will have to watch it again since I kept getting up for the yummy food and beer. I was surprised everyone stayed quiet because I was gasping half the episode.

I did miss one thing I wanted to do but there just wasn’t enough time in the day. It sounds like a not-very-exciting day (bet you thought I’d mention The Highball or Drafthouse), but it was all the things I love to do.

It’s no secret that I adore Doctor Who. If you’d ask me who I would end up doing a Fashion Friday about, my first guess would be David Tennant. Not because he’s especially stylish, but I am kinda considering cutting my hair like his. And he’s a hottie.

Okay, so I think I’m in love with David Tennant. I got distracted for about an hour while looking through photos to post. And I do want to wear that suit. Moving on…

But I’m actually starting to fashion crush on Karen Gillan now that I’m caught up on the show. She is one fiery ginger who is the most stylish companion that has ever travelled with the Doctor. Don’t worry if you’re not a Who fan – although you should be – because I’m here to talk about her outfits. Karen Gillan plays Amy Pond, who is full of attitude and sass.

She wears a lot of short skirts and shorts, but often pairs tights with them. One of my favorite outfits is simply a red hoodie with a black skirt with some kick ass high top Converse, using the short skirt to really play up her legs. Now I want those Converse. I think I’ll just steal the entire outfit.

Karen is gorgeous off Who too. Her hair is beautiful and it takes a brave woman, redhead or not, to wear matte red lipstick. I can’t wait to see what she wears in the upcoming season!

I’ve been thinking about some serious issues lately, but none more serious than this: there are a bunch of hot guys in video games. They can do anything from using mystical powers to shooting a zombie from 30 feet away, and walk off with perfect hair.

I struggled. but persevered, and narrowed it down to my top five guys. They are not in order of preference, because that would be too fraking hard.

Leon S. Kennedy
Leon has had a place in my heart since he drove up in his dorky police uniform in 1998. As a new cop coming into town in Resident Evil 2, Leon didn’t know he was getting into a world of hurt (literally) for the rest of his life. He has shot millions of zombies and still kept an eye out for his partner, Clare Redfield. Thankfully, as Leon got older, he got much more stylish and really knew how to rock the hair and jacket.

Squall Leonhart
Squall is the strong, silent, and bad boy type. I first saw him when the video game store was showing off the new Playstation and its incredible graphics engine by showing the full motion video opening sequence to Final Fantasy VIII. (This is still my favorite opener.) Squall was the first guy that I thought had a sexy scar, and the gunblade is twice winning. He made an appearance in Kingdom Hearts VOICED BY DAVID BOREANAZ, which was almost too much for me to handle.

Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad
Altaïr is a part of the Assassin Order in Assassin’s Creed. He is very creative, which is a good skill to have when you’re an assassin. The hidden blade he wears on his wrist is my weapon of choice throughout the series. He’s shrouded in mystery, blends in until the kill, and has the best strut of any character I’ve played. Somehow he makes white robes look sexy. I had a hard time choosing between Altaïr and Ezio (and technically Desmond). Ezio had a lot going for him because his outfit is amazing and he learns how to use double blades, but Altaïr has the kind of attitude you don’t want to mess with.

Galen Marek (Starkiller)
I didn’t think I’d care for Galen Marek when I first started playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but after about five minutes I was deep in smit with him. He may start off as a Sith, which leads to bad hair, but he’s also high on the swagger scale. He holds his light saber like he couldn’t give a rat’s ass if he could accidentally cut off his own arm, and his creative use of the Force to kill anyone brought out my evil laugh. He also has many outfit changes during the series, which is always a plus, including one without a shirt. I will forever have a crush on Sam Whitwer, the actor who voiced him, because he also looks EXACTLY like him. Sam, call me, I forgive the jackass character you played on Battlestar Galactica.

Solid Snake
Oh, Snake. I have to admit, the reason I love you is not because of the headband and mullet with camo look you rock in Metal Gear Solid, but because thanks to David Hayter you have one hell of a sexy voice. I mean sure, you have single handedly stopped entire armies and weapons of mass destruction, but what I’m really interested in is whatever you’re talking about. I think I saved the game 863 times just so I could hear you make small talk. I also equally have a crush on your modified 1911. I hope that they continue to clone you and I may get a copy of my very own someday.

An Honorable Mention goes to Alistair Theirin from Dragon Age: Origins. You are cute, have a great sense of humor, and also have a sexy voice. Plus, we get to make out, which is a rare bonus.

Did I leave anyone off the list? Who would you include?

I have a great time when I visit Seattle. Washington is so different than Texas, in both looks and attitude. People are ruder in Washington. It makes me appreciate being a Texan. But the trees, and water, when I first get to Seattle continue to surprise and delight me.

Of course, the best thing about going to Seattle is visiting my family. My sister, brother-in-law, and niece make me feel like I’m at home. Every time I go I think I need to add on more days on the next trip!

Kel introduced me to Dance Central. I am trying my hardest to resist getting a Kinect, because I’d need a 360 too. She’s really good at it! I was imagining her busting out those moves at The Highball.

Kel and I decided to check out Emerald City Comic Con this time around. We were most excited about meeting Jonathan Frakes. We got to meet Brent Spiner, Wil Wheaton, and Michael Dorn many years ago at a Dallas con. They signed my season one box set so when we heard Frakes would be there, we wanted to meet him and add his signature to the collection.

And the con also had some other people we knew we wouldn’t mind seeing – William Shatner, James Marsters, and Brent Spiner too. But I don’t pay for autographs anymore. I just can’t afford to get my crap signed by everyone for $30 – $50 a pop. But the box set that I had started, well, that’s an exception. (We did stare at Marsters for about 20 minutes. Never saw Shatner.)

Spiner and Frakes did a panel that was hysterical. There’s probably a video on YouTube somewhere. I kept dropping my phone from leaning forward and laughing and probably embarrassing the hell out of Kelly. Afterward we stood in line and got my box set signed by Frakes. He asked me where Patrick Stewart was going to sign on the box. I said it was pretty unlikely to happen, so he announced he’d sign the “good” spot in the center. I resisted the urge to say he could do what he wanted, he was the ranking officer.

Lunch was Pike Place Chowder, my favorite place to eat when I visit. CHOWDAH.

We found some Doctor Who cut outs at Pike Place Market, so I had to pretend that I was standing next to David Tennant. Not very well for sure, but a girl can dream. (I was very disappointed in the lack of Doctor Who cosplay, Seattle fans!) I made my sister and brother-in-law watch Blink, and I think they are interested in the series. Sweet!

And of course, I could go on and on about my niece. Not only is she the cutest girl in the world, but the smartest too. She didn’t believe me when I said my iPod wasn’t a phone. I took a picture so I could show her the obsolete technology when she’s a teenager.

I really need to plan better so I can spend like a week there. I love Seattle, which is probably biased by my family, and the plane ride doesn’t bother me. I know that both directions are taking me to my favorite places.

I’d been thinking about the meet and greet event with Nicholas Brendon since I saw it posted weeks ago. Even though I thought it was expensive, it seemed like a chance to meet actors and treat them like normal people. Granted, I don’t like having to pay for it, but an event is a million times better than $80 for an autograph.

I decided I was going to go all out for this night. I wouldn’t be shy and I would ask Nicky to sing from “Once More With Feeling” with me. I figured that this is probably the only shot I’ll have, and even though I’ve never karaoked in public before I knew that I would do this.

Nicky and Clare Kramer arrived at the event at the Cedar Door looking great. I have never done one of these types of con events so I waited a little bit to see if anyone would go up and talk to them. No one really tried, so I did. I chatted with Clare (she has family in Texas) and talked to Nicky about his twin. We both have twins named Kelly. I love that.

I asked Nicky to sing “I’ll Never Tell” with me. I could tell it was taking some of the other guests some time to get brave enough to ask but I wanted to make sure I got to sing that song with him, especially if he was going to be asked by everyone there. He agreed and I tried to not get hyper. It didn’t work.

I don’t know who took the photos of us singing – they just ended up on my camera! The kindness of strangers. We had some technical difficulties, and Nicky wanted to start over, so I got to sing it three times. He said it’s the first time he’s sang it since the show. It was amazing to sing with him. He’s a great guy.

On Saturday, I went to the Austin Comic Con and wore the scarf that’s part of the Sisterhood of the Travelling Scarf from the Fab Finds Under $50 blog. I knew I couldn’t really glam it up because I would stick out like a sore thumb at a con dressed fancy, but I think I came up with a good compromise of geek chic. I like how the pattern in the scarf brings a lot more interest to the plain top.

I’m glad I got out of the house and I am so proud of myself for going and really doing something I’ve dreamed about doing. I have some tough times ahead of me but I’ll use this memory for strength!

Aaron and I saw that the Highball was having another dance party a few weeks ago, this time themed for the Star Wars: In Concert show (which we enjoyed with my dad on Sunday). For being big geeks, we really don’t have a lot of costumes just hanging in the closet, so they all take some effort. Like the superhero party, we only had a few days notice to throw something together. I had dressed up as The Punisher before so we decided to focus on Aaron’s costume, which he picked as Galen Marek from Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.

There are many costumes that Galen wears throughout the game but Aaron, as usual, had to pick one of the harder ones. Aaron once dressed up as Raziel from Soul Reaver and painted himself blue if this is any indication of his costume commitment. So our goal was get to this:

Within a week. The full version showed most of the details we wanted to capture for the Jedi Adventure Robe.

My first stop was to Goodwill, where I picked up a brown shirt and slacks, plus a black belt. My next stop was the army surplus store for some webbing and a gun holster for me, but that was about all I got there. I went by Costume World on the way home to try to think of something for the robe, and I lucked out on a Jesus robe.

I told Aaron to stop by Hobby Lobby on the way home. He got Stitch Witch since we can’t sew and some fake pleather stuff. It’s not even pleather so I’m not sure what else to call it. He also went by Joann’s for some buckles (major score), grommets, velcro, clothing dye, and Salvation Army for a perfect belt buckle. All these supplies ended up looking like this on Wednesday.

Aaron had a lot of work to do so we split it up. I did any sewing and Aaron did the buckles and Stitch Witch. Here are how we broke the pieces down.

1. We cut the Jesus robe to be the outer Jedi robe and made the seams using Stitch Witch.

2. This is my favorite part that Aaron made. We used the pleather to create the shoulder/chest straps that Galen wears. Aaron took the buckle from a belt and made it a working belt across the chest. I sewed velco to the four straps that crossed from his chest to behind his back. The shoulder pads were half finished but we liked the way they ended up.
3. Galen wears a gray hoodie, so Aaron just picked up a lightweight one from Gap. We used Aaron’s gray pants (not pictured) that we already had.
4. Aaron took the webbing after coloring it black and created holsters that wrapped around his legs with the buckles. We also used the webbing for the black wrap belt.
5. We took the sleeves off the shirt from Goodwill and used elastic to keep them up near Aaron’s elbows. Aaron added grommets for detailing and pulled the sleeves over black workers gloves.
6. Aaron wrapped and glued aluminum foil for the leggings, and we used the cut legs from the pants from Goodwill for the wraps. We ran out of elastic so Aaron used a tie to keep them up at his knees.

We didn’t have a light saber so we knew we could use one at the Highball. We were both really happy with the final costume even though the process was frustrating because of the time crunch. I think Aaron looks hot.

I went as Mara Jade, which was considerably easier than Aaron’s costume. I think we look good together even though no one knew who we were since we weren’t Luke or Leia. I think next time I’ll go as Lando.

I love dream jobs. I think a person can have many of them, some realistic and some unrealistic. I’m happy with my current job. I know that for me I would consider three of my jobs that I’ve already done as a dream job. Nothing is perfect, but at least I know I’m doing what I love.

But I got to thinking, what else would I love to do and get paid for it? Because I can dream stuff up that I’m absolutely not qualified for, and that’s okay. I could learn it or admire it from afar.

Car mechanic.
Being a mechanic would have so many benefits! I would have a valuable skill that is necessary. I would have a ton of friends because they’d all want me to fix their cars for free. And, the best part, I wouldn’t be able to take my work home with me. BONUS, I would know how to fix up a car for fun!

Comic book store owner.
Working with comics every day would be great. I would have to concern myself about which story arcs are in place, and if a series just had a reboot. And I think I would do some gaming rooms karaoke style – nice seating with themes. Like the dungeon room, or the city room, or the space ship room. Of course, I’m ignoring all the small business ownership parts, because those probably would suck.

Video game character designer.
I’m not sure I can get that specific for game design, but I’d really want to focus on the character design. I can see designing some great outfits for characters, male and female, that are appealing but not hyper-sexual. So it’s a bit like fashion design for geeks. If I got to design a race like some sort of elf, that would be even cooler.

Interpreter.
I actually considered this for about 20 minutes when I was in college. I thought I could learn Japanese and be one of the people (in the movies) that translates over a headset for the UN. Or the FBI. Why? Because I want to know everything! Languages create a great mystery. Then I started considering all the other languages I don’t know, so I’d have a lot more to learn. Then I’d be a super-interpreter.

Voice Actor.
Doesn’t everyone think they could be a voice actor? I’ve seen enough crappy anime to think so. I’m not saying they all suck, but a lot of the older anime that I tried to watch in English made me writhe in pain and never try again. I’d like to think I could do a better job and then I’d be famous and invited to conventions.

Car designer.
I mentioned character designer before, and this is is similar in that they require drawing skills. I have none. In fact, I suck at drawing. But will that stop me from dreaming? No! I want to design concept cars. As much as I love Chip Foose, hot rods really aren’t my thing. I wouldn’t mind redesigning an existing car, and of course totally making up my own.

So all of my dream jobs aren’t impossible. They are fun to think about and if I ever get serious, I know I can pursue them. I believe that any dream job can happen if you really want it. I mean, you have to be realistic about your odds if you want to be an island caretaker or the President, but I say go for it.

I have been spending all my free time playing Mass Effect. We play EverQuest II pretty regularly since it came out in 2005 (whoa), but nothing like how I’ve been addicted to Mass Effect. MMOs have their place but sometimes I want a single player experience.

It’s one of those games that just got everything right. In fact, I can almost prove this by saying that when I first started playing I spent about 30 minutes in and gave it up. I wasn’t interested. What the what, you say?

I saw a friend of mine say something about her female character a few weeks later on Twitter. I can make Commander Shepard a girl? I was back in and customizing like crazy!

Now, I admit, I could have read that I can customize my character. But I started with Mass Effect and was working my way up to Mass Effect 2 and I wanted zero spoilers or plot direction. So I just jumped in and didn’t read a thing.

Once I made the female character and changed her face and hair plus backstory, I was suddenly immersed in the game. I spend a lot of time watching how she reacts when people talk to her. I could identify with this Shepard.

And I think that’s why I’m addicted to it. Not only did Bioware create a game where I could identify with how my character looks, but I get to decide how she acts. I can be a total bitch or I can be sweet to people. And it’s not all or nothing – there are some people I sass to, and some people I flirt with.

Especially the flirting in ME2. I adore Elder Scrolls (Morrowind) but my biggest compliant was one point in Oblivion. At the end, one of the characters laments that he will never have children. Hello, I thought, I’m a female character, let’s make a baby and continue the lineage! But not an option.

In ME, I chose who I flirted with and in ME2 I decided to change relationships to the character I actually wanted from the first game but wasn’t available. I love that they opened up how many players you can get with in ME2. (Kudos in ME1 but not ME2 is that you can have a lesbian relationship. I hope they bring this back, gay too, in ME3.)

I haven’t even talked about the storyline yet, because that’s how fascinated I am with just the main character. It is a rich sci-fi storyline with incredible voice actors that make the whole game complete. The soundtrack is moving and well done. The conversation options change if you are male or female, and with good effort – not a lot of omitted pronouns to save some production money.

I haven’t finished Mass Effect 2 yet, because I’m not ready for it to be over. But companies should notice that this is how games should be made – women gamers do want guns and space and sex and all the stuff that has been in the “manly” domain. But we want customization too, because once you identify with the character you become a part of the game. Give us the option for more female characters, and not just girls-made-for-guys like Bayonetta! (Don’t get me started on that one.)