A Life Lived in Fear is A Life Half Lived

I have been spending all my free time playing Mass Effect. We play EverQuest II pretty regularly since it came out in 2005 (whoa), but nothing like how I’ve been addicted to Mass Effect. MMOs have their place but sometimes I want a single player experience.

It’s one of those games that just got everything right. In fact, I can almost prove this by saying that when I first started playing I spent about 30 minutes in and gave it up. I wasn’t interested. What the what, you say?

I saw a friend of mine say something about her female character a few weeks later on Twitter. I can make Commander Shepard a girl? I was back in and customizing like crazy!

Now, I admit, I could have read that I can customize my character. But I started with Mass Effect and was working my way up to Mass Effect 2 and I wanted zero spoilers or plot direction. So I just jumped in and didn’t read a thing.

Once I made the female character and changed her face and hair plus backstory, I was suddenly immersed in the game. I spend a lot of time watching how she reacts when people talk to her. I could identify with this Shepard.

And I think that’s why I’m addicted to it. Not only did Bioware create a game where I could identify with how my character looks, but I get to decide how she acts. I can be a total bitch or I can be sweet to people. And it’s not all or nothing – there are some people I sass to, and some people I flirt with.

Especially the flirting in ME2. I adore Elder Scrolls (Morrowind) but my biggest compliant was one point in Oblivion. At the end, one of the characters laments that he will never have children. Hello, I thought, I’m a female character, let’s make a baby and continue the lineage! But not an option.

In ME, I chose who I flirted with and in ME2 I decided to change relationships to the character I actually wanted from the first game but wasn’t available. I love that they opened up how many players you can get with in ME2. (Kudos in ME1 but not ME2 is that you can have a lesbian relationship. I hope they bring this back, gay too, in ME3.)

I haven’t even talked about the storyline yet, because that’s how fascinated I am with just the main character. It is a rich sci-fi storyline with incredible voice actors that make the whole game complete. The soundtrack is moving and well done. The conversation options change if you are male or female, and with good effort – not a lot of omitted pronouns to save some production money.

I haven’t finished Mass Effect 2 yet, because I’m not ready for it to be over. But companies should notice that this is how games should be made – women gamers do want guns and space and sex and all the stuff that has been in the “manly” domain. But we want customization too, because once you identify with the character you become a part of the game. Give us the option for more female characters, and not just girls-made-for-guys like Bayonetta! (Don’t get me started on that one.)

For each season (and birthday) I make a mix tape.It can be songs from a long time ago that I got in my head, something from the radio, or something I heard online. Here’s what I’m listening to this spring.

The Drill / They Don’t Care About Us – Michael Jackson
I’m learning this dance and I like the way they remixed the song.

Opium Head – Solace
Heard on Wil Wheaton’s Radio Free Burrito podcast.

Such Great Heights (Album) – The Postal Service
Aaron likes the original, I like the upbeat version more.

Carry Out (Featuring Justin Timberlake) – Timbaland
If it’s JT, I’ll buy it.

Meet Me On The Equinox – Death Cab For Cutie
I’m kinda addicted to the New Moon soundtrack.

1901 – Phoenix
I heard this when shopping and tagged it with my phone. Apparently everyone else thinks they are cool too.

Hearing Damage – Thom Yorke
I like Thom Yorke but I don’t like Radiohead. I’m not sure how that works.

Don’t You Dare – Matt Morris
Kel likes this album. I think this is the best song from it.

Here (In Your Arms) – Hellogoodbye
Heard it on the radio so many times I couldn’t not like it.

Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap
Also on the radio, I think XM plays it all the time.

Low Rising – The Swell Season
Marry me, Glen Hansard.

Hallelujah (feat. Charlie Sexton) – Justin Timberlake & Matt Morris
See JT above, and also one of my favorite songs of all time.

The Only Answer – Mike Doughty
We were going to see Mike Doughty when he came to Austin but I had a migraine. Damn it.

Valentine – Kina Grannis
Kina is amazing – check out her first album that just came out.

New York Is Killing Me – Gil Scott-Heron
I heard this on the radio on NPR. I’m trying to get my dad to buy the full album so I can borrow it.

Marchin On (Featuring OneRepublic) – Timbaland
Okay so I buy most of Timbaland’s stuff too.

I wish I still went to school so I could trade mix tapes. Maybe I can get Aaron to have a crush on me and he’ll make me one.

Today is one of those days where I am glad to be a part of the Community Technology and Telecommunications Commission. We have our regular meeting for the month, which will include GTOPs, and then we’ll open up to a public forum on the Google Fiber for Communities initiative.

Public Forum

Wed, Mar 10, 7:00 PM

Austin City Hall

Room 1101, Boards & Commissions Room

301 W. Second St.
Austin, TX


The program would bring a fiber optic network to between 50,000 and 500,000 homes in the United States, with network speed of up to 1 billion bits-per-second, or gigabit speed. Imagine how this could impact community programs, not to mention your connection at home. The network would be open to any service – Google doesn’t want to get into the provider business – so we would still have our choice of providers.

But we have to get Google to pick Austin as one the markets by showing community support. Check out Big Gig Austin to get involved – we have until March 26 to show them we wants it, Precious!

Check out how Google explains it, and I hope you can show your support for this either by attending tonight or by filling out the online form (Gmail required).

(Also, MAJOR points for open captions, thank you Google!)

Yesterday I totally geeked out over Sally Ride visiting the University of Texas. I couldn’t believe that she was giving a talk and I knew I had to go see it.

Sally Ride has been a hero since my sister and I were kids. We were obsessed with space, my sister even more than me, and we had a framed photo of Sally Ride in our bedroom. We were hardcore.

I really wish Kel had been here to see her. Dr. Ride is a very dynamic speaker and talked about her greatest influences, which were her school teachers. I could relate since I feel the same way.

She mentioned that she joined the space program when NASA had put an ad in her college newspaper. She was a part of the STS-7 and STS-41G missions and became the first American woman in space. Unfortunately, she had to duck out right after the talk to catch a flight, so I didn’t get to do my usual celebrity stalking.

Her emphasis now is keep girls in math, science, and technology after middle school. She’s started her own company, Sally Ride Science, and is working with the UTeach program. Austin has many non profit resources for girls, all of which I recommend for your sisters, daughters, nieces, and friends.

Be the role model for a young girl – loving science can be cool!

Drummer, beat, and piper, blow,
Harper, strike, and soldier, go.
Free the flame and sear the grasses
Till the dawning Red Star passes.

There are three books that really influenced me as a kid, enough that I still read them almost every year. It’s like revisiting old friends. The copies themselves are special to me. These are the top three most important books of my life.

The Complete Sherlock Holmes
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

In a way, I kinda pilfered this book. It belonged to my dad when he was a kid and he’d left it, with The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll, at my grandmother’s house. When we visited in the summers, we were often bored because she didn’t have cable. So besides old Reader’s Digests and a closet full of Nancy Drew (also devoured), I found all the Sherlock Holmes stories.

I was immediately engrossed in the stories. How could Holmes figure out all these mysteries with little clues and sometimes a little luck? Could I be that observant?

The answer was no, but from Holmes I created a memory of lazy afternoons at my grandmother’s. I was never bored if I had these two books, and with so many short stories, it was easy to re-read and be surprised at whodunit every time. And the name Mycroft is cool.

The Harper Hall of Pern
Anne McCaffery

Now, I know this is cheating because it’s three books in one, but I actually bought this book from Half Price Books when I was in middle school. Trips to Half Price Books were magical because we drove to San Antonio and I got books that would be trouble in a small town. This felt like a gem since I think it may a book club edition and my copy, still with dustcover, is beat to hell from reading it so much.

Dragonsong, Dragonsinger, and Dragondrums are all in the Harper Hall trilogy. I remember wondering what the songs were like, and even having a crush on the Masterharper. I felt like I was the main character and wished to be as musical as her. Maybe that’s why I took up guitar.

The songs are on YouTube now… I’m a little scared to listen.

So You Want to Be a Wizard
Diane Duane

This is, by far, my favorite book of all time. I checked it out from the library in the 6th grade and was blown away. With chapter titles like “Temporospatial Claudications” and “Exocontinual Protocols,” I knew I wasn’t going to be treated like a little kid.

This book includes a description of the perfect wizard – one who loves to read. All you had to do was say the Oath and you were a wizard! (I tried many times and sadly it did not work.) The story wove together the workings of the universe and how two pre-teens could impact them in a way that I wanted to be a part of it.

Way before being a wizard was cool thanks to Harry Potter, I adored this book. But I couldn’t find it anywhere to buy it. So my friend stole it from the library for me for my birthday. And it has been the edition that I have read and cherished, and one of the best gifts given to me. I have about six other editions, including a loaner.

I’m really happy that it’s turned into a full series that still continues. Diane Duane is my favorite author and I hope to get this edition signed in person someday.

I guess it isn’t a big surprise that I am Forever Young Adult and still enjoy YA fiction. It’s the first section I hit at the library, and I pull out a copy of So You Want to Be a Wizard and put it in the “featured” section, hoping to change another kid’s life forever.

Like many, I’m sad to see the announced closing of Cactus Cafe. A lot of artists have played at the venue, and it’s been a part of the University since 1979. But honestly, I will miss Informal Classes more.

Informal Classes played a bigger part in my Austin experience than the Cafe ever did. When I was a student at UT, I didn’t have time to take semester-long classes for the fun things I wanted to learn. Where else could I learn animal CPR, investing, Persian, and psychic development all in one place?

It would be hard for me to remember all the classes I’ve taken, but many come immediately to mind.

I took a couples massage class in 1998. I signed up again with Aaron to take in a few weeks.

Aaron and I went to a lot of the Austin Ballroom Festivals and ballroom classes over the years. We saw some rumbas and tangos that made my jaw drop.

I took a class on posture, because I am always worried about mine.

I took a class that was a morning horseback trail ride.

I took a class on how to do my makeup. (I got a LOT of out that class!)

I took a class for voice lessons, which took a lot of courage. Then I forced Aaron to take a duets class with me.

I gave a class to my sister for our birthday about writing a novel.

I can’t even remember all the computer classes I’ve taken. The last one I took was in October for InDesign.

I signed up for a class on dances of India but it sadly got cancelled.

I missed a class on ikebana in 1998 and I check the catalog each time to see if it is in there. (It hasn’t been.)

Informal Classes has kept me coming back to campus and helped me feel a part of UT after I graduated. Aaron and I would have date nights where we’d attend a class and then walk around, feeling like we were students again.

I have hope that the operating budget for the Classes is small, and that the program can be saved. If not, Austin will be losing that connection to the University for our community that gives both UT students and Austinites a chance to learn and grow.

In fact, I think I’ll go sign up for that car repair class I keep putting off since I won’t get another chance.

Thank you for everything, Informal Classes!

I’ve started auditing a class at UT. And it’s accounting. I know, you’re thinking, out of all the things to choose, why that class?

Well, I wanted something that was career development, and I completely and totally suck at math. Really. One of my best friends had to show me how to use a ruler a few years ago.

Really.

I was nervous the first day, even though auditing means no tests, no final, no grade.

The walk to class threw me back to the past. I remembered having walked that way so many times before, whom I was with at the time, and how class seemed to be getting in the way of what I really wanted to be doing. Walking with the students I saw how young they look and how distracted they seemed too.

Times have changed since I went to college, which wasn’t that long ago. Most students have out a laptop and cell phone. I was really impressed with the technology in the classroom itself. Remember when projectors looked like this?

Yeah, now they are digital. Plus you can switch inputs to a computer, or a DVD player.

I am really enjoying the class because the professor is a great speaker, full of energy, and is making the topic interesting. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been away for so long that I’m one of the few in this class of 300 to look up at him and pay attention.

The rest are typing away on Facebook, reading CNN, or (my favorite today) playing Poker Stars. But there are some that are following along and taking notes.

My notes are longer now; I want to learn this and I’m paying attention. And it’s not even for a grade. I wish I’d had this enthusiasm for every class I took as an undergrad. But I had so much going on, I didn’t stop to appreciate where I was and what I was doing.

I hope now that I’m older I’ll keep that perspective. And that I’ll learn something that’ll stick, growing my skills past reading a ruler.

Aaron and I started lists of our top songs of the decade. I think I picked ones he didn’t, although our tastes are mostly the same so I claim his too. I only picked one song per year and he’s picking two, which is just too much pressure for me.

Of course, these are the songs that were earworms, so they aren’t exactly golden standards. But they have stuck with me throughout the decade and it seems that overall I have been pretty… upbeat.

When I was in high school, I ran a BBS. That’s “bulletin board system” for all you non-serial geeks. Only one person could be on it at a time, and it was all text. The owner of the BBS, called the Sysop, could chat with you and play games if they were around, but usually it was a singular experience.

This was before the wide-spread use of the Internet. AOL wasn’t even popular yet. So we used FidoNet to send mail to each other and it was very high tech at the time. And the mail was just text – no attachments.

I’m not sure how it happened, but I made friends with a guy in North Carolina on FidoNet. He was in his early 20s, and I definitely crushed on him (but not in THAT way). I thought that he was so different and artsy, especially when compared to my small town.

I don’t even remember what we talked about. I know I told him a lot about what was going on in my life, and he talked about going to school and hating it, but it seems that a lot of it was fluff. But I felt special having a friend in another state since that was kinda hard to do at the time. (I could get mails several times a day! WOW!)

He mailed me a mix tape, which I have tried to hold onto but the tape has diappeared. I still have the song list. Maybe the tape is in a tape deck in a dump somewhere.

I’d never heard of most of these songs before. It was my first introduction to the Grateful Dead, Phish, and Steely Dan. (I don’t adore them now, sorry, but at least I’ve heard them!)

I bought the list on iTunes and listening to it has brought back so many memories. Drama trips on the bus, listening in my room, on the BBS… But the feeling it evokes was me being ready to leave that small town and become a free new person. I felt like I had the potential to be cool like him.

Honestly I think he was trying hard to impress me with the tape. It worked. We lost track of each other when I went to college, and amazingly I can’t find him on any social network. A part of me worries that something happened to him, but it would also be like him to not do any of that crap.

So Peter Woodson King – if you’re still out there, drop me a line sometime.

I think I have been a geek since I was six years old. What’s your guess?

We started with a Commodore 64 and worked our way up ever since. I have never seen gaming as anti-social. Kelly and I would stay up all night and giggle together, yell together, and high five together. I had friends who came over only to beat games. Aaron and I first got to know each other when we were Solid Snake.

So I think I’ll do a list of my favorite games of all time, which are the ones that had an impact on my life.

• Enchanter. This and all text based adventure games by Infocom, including Zork, were the first games we played on the C64.
• Archon. A board game from a new company called EA that resulted in many fights with Kelly. Phoenix pwned all.
• Little Computer People. I would stay after school to play this game with my teacher.
• King’s Quest V. This was the first game we had on EGA, which was mind blowing graphics at the time. Until…
• The 7th Guest. The first game to really use cinematics and great music to create atmosphere.
• Maniac Mansion. We loved that you could microwave the hamster. The best part was the sound effect.
• Battletoads. This game was impossible to beat. Kelly and I would try for ours with the C&C Music Factory tape on repeat. I can’t hear “Things That Make You Go Hmmm…” without immediately thinking of that damn game.
• Street Fighter II. Chun Li FTW. I almost got punched in the face by a guy I beat at the arcade. Literally.
• The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The music was so beautiful and the game play was such a leap.
• Final Fantasy VII. The first game I was so emotionally drawn in, I cried when Aeris died.
• Metal Gear Solid. Aaron and I played and beat this game, and it started our friendship. The ending song set a new standard, and I have a crush on David Hayter. If they ever make a movie, they better cast him.
• Resident Evil 2. I loved Claire Redfield as a heroine, and that there was such an involved plot for a zombie game.
• Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver. Aaron adored this game, so much so he dressed up as Raziel for Halloween. That was a lot of blue paint.
• Silent Hill 3. First game that actually made me scream at the TV and turn on the lights. I think Kelly got up and ran into the other room.
• Assassin’s Creed. Playing this game with Aaron made me feel like a kid again. I still want a wrist blade.

These are just the moments that first came to mind. So many memories shared that would never seem so important at the time.

And out of all this? My sister is in the gaming industry. I’m a guild leader, and guide, in EverQuest II. And I’m proud to be a geek.